And Teacher of the Year Award goes to...

And Teacher of the Year Award goes to...
How did my parents affect my learning?

By Stephanie Huerta

EDSC 4322 Human Development & Instruction
School of Education
University of Texas at Brownsville
Summer 2008

This Paper was presented at the 3rd Conference of Elementary Secondary Teaching & Learning (CESTL) in June, 2008, Brownsville, Texas. Correspondence regarding this paper should be addressed to the authort directly at stphnhuerta@yahoo.com.

Introduction

Growing up I had the picture of a perfect family that was depicted by the American society: a mother, a father, and the children. I was born in such a “perfect” family. My mother worked for the school district as a secretary in the human resources department and my father worked as the general manager of Wal-Mart. Money was never an issue for us because whatever we wanted we received. My mother had an advantage working for the school district. She was able to have the same vacation as students. My father on the other hand was a workaholic. The only time I was able to see him was on his days off or when he would come tuck us into bed.

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What is even more surprising is that even though my mom was around more often I still preferred my father over her. I guess you could say I was daddy’s little girl. To me life was perfect even though daddy wasn’t around that often. But little did I know behind the scenes of what I thought was a perfect family, it was actually quite the opposite and things were about to change. I wouldn’t know what the concept of a real family is until later in life.

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In our school district we had this whole week dedicated to parents and grandparents. For example, one day would be having breakfast with mother, having lunch with father, and so on for the rest of the week. It is sad to say my father never made it a single year while I was in elementary. Instead my mother was there for both mother and father days until I was in the third grade when my step-dad whom I now consider my real father would show up as my real father.

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I remember days when daddy was supposed to meet me or pick me up from school; I would keep my hopes up even though part of me knew that he wouldn’t show up. Even as a child in pre-kindergarten, I was always one of the top students. But days that daddy was supposed to pick me up, I couldn’t help thinking about it and unable to concentrate on my studies, because I was too busy telling everyone that today would be the day daddy would pick me up. I believe this is where the question, “How did my parents affect my learning?” comes into play.

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From teaching them to crawl, teaching them their first words, or even teaching them how to spell their name. I was once told a child will always remember his/her greatest teacher for the rest of their life. I believe that is why we hold a special place in our hearts for our parents. They might not always have the right answers or even understand what we are asking of them, but they try. And trying is the first step to teaching a child that one of the most important keys is to never give up.

Chapter Two
Birth-Pre-School

I’m sure you or someone you know attended some type of daycare as a baby or toddler. My parents had me attend daycare because they had to work like many parents. Daycare became a second home for me because I started when I was six weeks old and continued until I was in fifth grade. I attended till I was in fifth grade because my parents preferred for me to be somewhere safe instead of at home by myself.

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My mother always told me how advanced I was for my age as a baby. Most babies don’t take their first step until their first birthday. However, I took my first step when I was nine months old. It amazes me how after three children my mother can still recall every moment and every detail that has occurred in each of our lives. My mother taught me many firsts in my life and I am forever grateful.

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The daycare I attended was very different from many other daycares. The typical daycare usually had many children in attendance. Yet at Marie’s there were only about five children that would attend. As a parent I could see the reasons why my mother enjoyed having me attend Marie’s. Marie was able to provide children with more one on one attention and was able to do more activities. By the time I was three, I new how to count, say my ABC’s and spell all the colors of the rainbow.

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I can remember my mom picking me up from Marie’s and on the way home singing all the silly rhymes we would make up together. I always thought the rhymes my mom taught me were silly. But in reality the rhymes she taught me were her ways of teaching me how to spell. With the help of Marie, my mother had me counting, spelling, and reading by the time I entered pre-kindergarten at the age of four.

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Even though I attended pre-k, Marie would pick me up from school because I would only go half a day. Most daycares pick children up from school and take them to their facility to have a nap followed by a snack. However, at Marie’s we would continue doing instructional work followed by our homework with a snack in between. When my mom would pick me up she would check my homework and ask me about my day. This motivated me to go to school and do my best so that when I came home I could show my mom and dad what I had accomplished through out the day.
Most of the time I came home to my mother only because my father was still at work. For some reason I had this crazy idea that if I did good in school my father would want to hear about it. Little did I know a life changing event would happen in my upcoming years.

Chapter Three
Ahead of the Class
Elementary School

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When I entered first grade I was involved in many different clubs. Every year I ran for student council president and joined every club made available to elementary students. I remember not wanting to run for student council or have anything to do with any kind of club. Besides why would I want to stay after school longer than I had to? That all changed when I actually had to run for student council president. I remember coming home to posters, glitter and signs that my mom bought on her lunch hour. She went out of her way so that I could start campaigning for student council president. Becoming student council president helped me become accepted by my peers and teachers.

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At this time during my life receiving straight A’s and completing my work was never a problem. Everything was going to change and it was going to change fast. I remember having to wake up hearing my parents argue and going to bed next to my mom listening to her sob quietly. And even through her sobs she would sing to me every night “You are my sunshine.” Now that I am a parent I sing the same song to my boys at night.

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Waking up for school was never a problem because my parents were always arguing. For me school was my only get away, so I thought. By going to school I thought I could run away from all the yelling and arguing that I would hear at home. Instead all I could do was dwell on my parents and their arguing. I was always worried about my mom and pray that my parents wouldn’t get a divorce. Didn’t they understand I was one of the few kids in my class that still had a mother and father living together.

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Report card time was never an issue and it was always one of my proudest moments. Until the day I brought it home with all B’s and satisfactory progress. I couldn’t understand what was going on because school was my getaway and it was what I was good at. Even when I brought home my report card it wasn’t about me. It was about whose fault it was, my mother’s or father’s? Why couldn’t they understand it wasn’t about either of them, but what they were doing to me?

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Then the day that I had been dreading approached like a bat out of hell. I came home to see my father with his things packed and loading them in the truck. Even though my father was the source for all the bickering and for making my mom cry all the time, I couldn’t help but hate my mom at that very moment. I remember for a long time everything that went wrong in my life was my mother’s fault. As the days passed I noticed life at home and school began to get easier and my grades began to pick up again.

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Days turned into months, and the months turned into a year, and then it happened. My mom introduced my brother and me to her new friend. For most kids, being introduced to someone new can become a traumatic event because they feel that person might be trying to replace their mother or father. However, for me it was quite different. The day my mother brought home Eddie, I not only gained a friend, I gained a person who believed in my brother and me in and out of school.

Chapter Four
Moving on UP
Middle School

By the time I reached middle school Eddie and my mother had been dating for three years. Adjusting to all my new classes and teachers had been a breeze because my mother and Eddie were there for me every step of the way. Then the most memorable event happened during Christmas break of my sixth grade year.

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On Christmas Eve, Eddie pulled my brother and me outside to have a talk. In the discussion he asked us for our permission to have my mothers hand in marriage. I had never heard of any man asking permission from kids to marry their mother. That is when I realized Eddie was not only in the relationship for my mom but for us as well. That day I knew I gained someone who would always be there for me.

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I soon began to realize middle school was nothing quite compared to elementary. In every class some type of project or paper was required and I had no clue as to where to start. While I attended middle school Eddie began to attend college at night. He was able to help me with my projects and papers. There was even nights we would stay up late working on projects. If it got late he would send me to bed and finish the project for me. As a thirteen year old I wish there would have been more nights like that, but I think he would have caught on.

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Eddie taught me that parents are there for you to help guide you when you are stuck and applaud you for your accomplishments. Thanks to him middle school was a breeze when it came to academics. And when it came to extra curricular activities, such as running for student council or running for homecoming my mother never let me forget she was by my side. It was then that I realized I now had the family I once thought I had. The family my brother and I longed to have.

Chapter Five
It’s Not Over!
High School

Now that I had two supportive parents at home who were there for me, high schools trials and errors were made easier. One weekend in the beginning of my sophomore year of high school I remember my mom storming into my room trying to wake me up as soon as possible. She came into my room to tell me that one of my friends had committed suicide. At the age of 16, how is one supposed to deal with the emotional feelings of death?

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Many parents believe their children will deal with their feelings in their own way. Thank heaven my parents were there to help me cope during that time of grief. To be honest, I don’t think I would have been able to handle it on my own. They made sure my priorities were still on my education. During the next year my parents made sure I was monitored closely. Not because they were afraid I would do something stupid but they knew the healing process would take time.

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Even though I was still involved in clubs and sports I felt I still needed to do something with my extra time. That is when I decided to get a job working part time after school.

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At the beginning of my junior year I was able to get a job at Jason’s Deli as a cashier. My parents taught me that if I wanted to continue working I had to keep up my grades and continue to maintain my responsibilities in and out of the house. By working at Jason’s Deli I had many advantages because I was able to meet many different types of people and leave an impression with them. I made such an impact on one of my customers that he offered to enroll me in a summer program that allowed high school juniors to attend college at no cost to them. Needless to say my parents were grateful as was I for a wonderful opportunity. While working at the deli one of my supervisors and I had become really close friends but we were soon to find out how close we would become.

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In the summer of my junior year while working at Jason’s Deli and attending college classes at Texas State Technical College I was about to tell my mom every parents nightmare. I was pregnant! What was I going to do? How would I tell my parents? How would my 21 year old boyfriend, who happened to be my supervisor, react? What would an honors student like me do being pregnant at school? That wasn’t supposed to happen to someone like me. Was my life over? So many questions filled my head but I knew what had to be done.

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After I told my boyfriend about the situation and my decision to keep the baby he supported me 100 percent. Once I broke the news to my parents, my mother reacted as I suspected she would, well as any parent would. However, I was shocked to see how calm my father was being to the whole idea of me being pregnant. I figured he was reacting so calmly because in reality I wasn’t really his daughter. But I couldn’t have been more wrong about his reaction.

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My dad told me my life wasn’t over. In fact it was just beginning but instead it was going to be a little harder than planned. He began to tell me that at the age of 16 he had to drop out of school because he too had gotten his now ex-wife pregnant. He then proceeded to tell me his parents supported his idea of dropping out and assuming his responsibilities by getting a job. Right then and there he made it clear he was not going to let that happen with me.

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My parents told me they were going to help support me and that I was going to finish school and dropping out was not an option. Knowing that my parents and my boyfriend supported me I felt encouraged to continue my learning. I knew I was not going to become another statistic and let my life fall apart or be over just because I was going to be a mom.

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I am very proud to say that with the guidance and support my parents gave me and my education I reached my goal. I graduated with honors at the age of 18, a new mom and number 16 out of 430 student graduates. Later that summer I married my boyfriend and my own little family began. My parents told me they would continue to help support me in all my endeavors as long as I continued my education beyond high school.

Chapter Six
Beating the Odds
College

I realized I was going to continue to further my education not because my parents were going to help support me but because I wanted to set a good example for my son. By becoming a mother I knew I wanted to teach my son everything my parents had instilled in me. And the best way I figured I could do that was by attending college to pursue my degree in Education. Even though I was a student attending college I was also a teacher teaching my son how to do all the very things my mother taught me to do as a baby. It was then that I realized I didn’t have to go to school to become a teacher because I already was one in the eyes of my son.

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Just because I was a teacher in the eyes of my son that didn’t stop me from wanting to become a teacher to all those students who didn’t have the family support I had to continue my education. If it wasn’t for my mother, I would have been raised with my real father who never had time to be with me, much less given me the time of day. Then I knew I was one of the lucky ones because many children who do not have that family support end up doing poorly in school or simply drop out.

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In December 2006, my father announced that after eight years of pursing his dream he would finally be receiving a degree in Business Management in May 2007. I knew how important it was for him to accomplish his goal in receiving a degree of higher learning since he was never able to receive his diploma from high school. When I heard he would be receiving his degree I was going to give him the best present he would receive. I am proud to say in May 2007, my father and I graduated together side by side. Even though all I received was my Associates in Art my parents made me realize dedication and perseverance can go a long way when you want something bad enough.

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This past year in my junior year of college, my husband and I found out we were expecting again. Even though I was full of excitement I was also very scared at the same time. I began to remember how hard it was to attend school with a newborn at home. Now how was I going to do it? We no longer lived at home with my parents and along with working full time, going to school full time at night and being a mom to a three year old toddler, I was going to be a mom again.
Feeling very overwhelmed I called my mother for comfort. And it was then that she reminded me that in life we are always going to be faced with obstacles and it is how we handle them that matters. I am proud to say as a daughter, wife, and mother of two, I will be graduating this May 2008 with a Bachelors degree in Education in Science.

Chapter Seven
Broken Barriers

My husband, son and I have come a long way since I had graduated high school. My husband has become General Manager of his very own Jason’s Deli restaurant. My son, who is now four, has been attending day care and is among one of the top achievers in his class. And on April 24, 2008, we welcomed our second son into this world.

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We feel we have accomplished many goals. We now have our own house, vehicles and are able to support ourselves. It was then that I realized I had been overcoming obstacles since the day I was born. If I had let every obstacle bring me down I would have never have learned to crawl, walk, overcome my parents divorce or continue my education despite becoming a mom at such a young age. Despite everything I knew I was able to do all this because my parents have been there to teach me about what life has to offer.

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Dr. Boyanton opened my eyes as a daughter, wife, and mother and made me want to understand how my parents affected my learning. I began writing this paper on how parenting affects children’s learning in education. But as my writing progressed I discovered I needed to understand how my parents affected my learning in all aspects of life not just education.

And for those of us as parents or those of you who wish to become parents in the future it is important that we know that we all begin as students in life learning from our parents. We then take what we have learned, the good and the bad, and apply it to our children as parents and begin to teach them.

Chapter Eight
Advice and Suggestions

Many families believe that what happens at home is nobody’s business. Those people don't realize that how they parent and their environment at home affects their children in their every day lives.

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What is parenting and when does parenting a child begin? Parenting is when a parent guides, cares and loves their child. Parenting should begin as soon as the child is brought into this world. Just like everything else in life there are many ways to raise a child and to be an effective parent. And there's no such thing as a perfect parent or a perfect child.

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Parents need to express their love for their children because even though they might feel it should be a feeling their child should automatically know they need to reinforce it. For example, by simply hugging your child in the morning you are expressing your love even without words. Many parents are so busy throughout the day that when they come home they may just want to rest or some may even bring work home with them. One important factor many parents ignore simply without thinking is that they should listen to their child when they speak. Just by listening to your child you are relating to them that you are very interested in what they have to say.

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Parents also need to remember to praise their child for what they have done even if it seems like the tiniest thing. The number one mistake parents make is criticizing their child for their bad behavior. Instead they should try to criticize the behavior instead of the child. You may be thinking what does this have to do with good parenting? Well if a child is not praised at home or being yelled at, instead of spoken to, they will not have the confidence to accept praise or criticism from their teachers at school or a boss at work. We must remember to always encourage our children in everything that they do.