How Did Age Affected My Learning?
This Paper was presented at the 3rd Conference of Elementary Secondary Teaching & Learning (CESTL) in June, 2008, Brownsville, Texas.
Introduction
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Do you think that as you age you might become a little wiser? Believe it or not, I think people do. The best way I can back up my answer, is because it has happened to me. I’m a real person with real issues. When I was growing up, I didn’t think that school was that important, therefore; learning didn’t matter. I did what I had to do just to get by. Now, as a college student at the University of Texas at Brownsville, -I had to learn the hard way. I failed out my first semester in college, which made me lose my financial aid. Was financial aid important? Yes, it was, more than I could ever imagine. My mother, a very independent woman, made me pay for my own classes until I passed them to get financial aid back as punishment. It was then that I realized how important school was because it was coming out of my own pocket.
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Me…
My name is Valerie Law, and I am currently attending the University of Texas at Brownsville. I will be receiving a bachelor’s degree in English and Education next fall in 2009. I am very excited and can’t wait for the graduation, although it took me long enough to get there, it will be a very wonderful journey I can look back later on. I did not attend Pre-Kindergarten, but I did start Kindergarten at Russell Elementary in Brownsville. I went on to Stell Middle School and then James Pace High School. Throughout these years, high school was the best, but yet also the worst experience I ever had to go through. Read a long! and I’m sure my life will leave you with many questions.
When I had no worries…
-As far as I can remember, which Kindergarten was, I was a very good student. Always doing what I was told and always doing my work. I remember the teachers always saying I had very good hand- writing. Of course I got a little lazy, but what kid doesn’t. All kids want to have fun and play. My first day was the worst. I didn’t want to go and I remember my father dropping me off. He told me he was going to stay outside of the door the whole day and that he was not going to leave. I thought it was a great idea. I started playing and getting to know all the other kids. From time to time I would turn back just to make sure he was there. Now as a young adult I was surprised how long he actually stayed there. It was probably till the afternoon. That moment when I turned back and he wasn’t there, I wanted to cry, but I looked around and I didn’t. It was like I knew he was going to leave and I was going to have to get use to it because that’s where I would be every day. Every day after that, I wanted to go to school and learn new things.
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My grandma died when I was in third grade. I cried. My parents, brother, and I lived in one big house with my grandparents, which were my dad’s parents. My grandfather had divided that huge house into two houses. There was one house for them and one for us. My grandmother was very sick and turned out that she had cancer. She died in her house on her bed. I was so sad. I had never seen my dad cry. He was the one that had stayed up with her that night. I couldn’t grasp the fact that she had died. My grandma was always there, I couldn’t believe that she was going to be gone forever. My dad told me that my grandma had told him there were angels in the room. They were telling her that it was time to go and if she wanted to go. My dad said that -he told her to go because it was better over there.
I don’t know if that story was true, but at that age I believed, and even now some part of me wants to believe it. When I woke up in the morning, I walked over to the other house, but she wasn’t there. I didn’t understand who they called or who went to pick her up. My mother said the ambulance came and that they took her in one of those beds that rolls. My grandpa was so sad. My grandpa and my dad were always these big men that never cried, but the minute they lost the woman of their lives, it poured.
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My parents were going through a separation at the time. As soon as my mother found out my grandma was sick, she came back to my dad. My dad would cheat on my mother as far as I can remember. I would actually be with my dad when he was with other women. I never said anything because I never really thought it was a bad thing. That was until the day I saw my mother crying to my grandma. I hate to say it, but I spilled the beans. I told her he picked up this woman once by a supermarket. The lady got in the car and he took her somewhere. My mother was pissed off, not sad, but pissed off. I loved my dad. I didn’t want my parents to be apart. They always fought. If it wasn’t one thing, it was another. That’s probably why I am the way I am. My parents eventually ended up getting a divorce. Maybe they were better off that way, and I’m guessing they just decided not to put my brother and I in a tough situation. My dad came around once in a while, but for some reason we always just wanted to be with our mom.
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I was always sick as a little girl. That meant that I was home a lot. My mom worked during the day and my dad worked at night. When I was sick, my dad would take care of me during the day when I was supposed to be at school. I was diagnosed with bronchitis. It is a disease that causes inflammation of the lungs. I had to stay away from smokers. My dad was a smoker. He gave it up for a while until I got better. I could not be in the cool air that much either, so that meant raising the temperature on the air condition. Nobody liked the fact, but they had to do it for my sake.
My dad was a really good guy. He always took care of my brother and I. My mother was the mean one and my dad was the laid- back funny one. He always made us laugh, my brother and I. My parents struggled for money when we were little. My dad was always in and out of jobs while my mother maintained one job to keep us together. As a child, I didn’t really feel them struggling, but I had that feeling. The feeling where I knew not to ask for too much because I knew that answer was going to be no if we couldn’t afford it. My mother always bought us good clothes. My brother is 5 years older than me. He always had name brand clothing.
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I peed in my pants once, and I never told a soul. The worst part was I wasn’t even the one that got in trouble, it was another kid. I was in fourth grade and we were working on math during the day. My teacher was on the over head projector trying to teach us how to solve problems. There was this one kid named Victor, a very good student, never got in trouble, and he was a friend of mine. This one day, Victor was tired I assumed. He fell asleep and the teacher called on him. Victor had no idea what was going on, and when he didn’t have an answer to give back, the teacher slammed his heavy hand on the over head projector and cracked it. Victor rushed out of the room and ran away. I peed. I got scared. I wasn’t the one that got in trouble, but I still peed on my pants. Not a whole bunch where I was wet and everyone noticed, but I knew. I didn’t really know what was going on, but we understood that Victor ran away and left school premises. I thought, “Oh my god.” He was definitely in a lot of trouble. It kept on replaying in my head. The teacher didn’t have to get so angry.
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-Now as an adult, I figure maybe the teacher was in a bad mood. That was no way in handling the situation. I never found out what happened with Victor, but this is when the teacher has to get involved and ask Victor outside or after the class why he had been sleeping. Maybe there was conflict at home, or maybe he stayed up late and didn’t get enough sleep. All I know is that the teacher ran Victor out of school premises and made me pee my pants. I never discussed this with the other children, or maybe I did but I just can’t remember. I do remember going on with the rest of the day with my mind on Victor. I wondered “Was he ok,” “Did he go home,” or “Did they catch him and call his parents.” I will never know. I still know Victor. Turns out his brother and my brother were really good friends, which they still are to this day like Victor and I. I was not involved in this situation, but it did cause a pause in my mind during the day. My mind was not on learning, but on Victor.
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As I got deeper into elementary, I slacked off. Now as a young adult, I always remember pretending to be sick so I wouldn’t have to go to school. My dad was an easy person to get by, but my mother was the worst. She knew when I was faking it, so she would yell at me all the time. Sometimes she would leave to work earlier than usual and my dad was supposed to take me to school. I remember him having to call her and tell her that I didn’t want to go to school and that he probably wasn’t going to take me. The first thing she would say was to put me on the phone. So, my dad would pass me the phone and I would just start crying because my mother was scary. I would go to school, pretend to be sick, and go to the nurse. The nurse would then call home and tell my parents that they needed to pick me up. My dad would pick me up and start laughing because he knew exactly what I was up to.
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I’m not too sure why I began to slack off. School was fun, but sometimes it dragged. Maybe our days were just too long and I also don’t remember ever having recess. Our little break was always after we had lunch. The teachers would have our class sit down on the floor in a straight line. They would even tell us to hush down sometimes. We were in elementary, what did they expect? I think that having recess in elementary should be a must because they are taking away their liberty and hopes, and that’s what makes children not wanting to go to school.
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Little Did I Know…
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When I started middle school, I also started a new family. I didn’t start the new family, but my mother did. She met a man. She had been working with him forever and she fell in love all over again. This man had two boys and two girls. They decided to move into a house together, and they brought my brother and me. It was going pretty good, and then my new step-dad brought his oldest son to live with us. He was the same age as I was. We both attended the same middle school and we were in the same grade.
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Down into the middle of the school year my 6th grade year, my mother pulled me out of school. When I got into the car, my brother was in it too. I was like hell yea….. I’m out of school. We kept on asking her why she took us out. She didn’t answer. No answer the whole way home. We got to the house and she told us to sit down. Little did I know that I was about to hear the worst news ever in my life. My father died. My heart sunk. I didn’t believe it. How was this happening to me? I was daddy’s little girl. There was no way. It took a while to sink in. I was in shock. I went to my room and locked the door. My family was calling and calling my house and I didn’t want to talk to any single one of them. It clicked when I walked into the funeral home.
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I was the first one in and the last one out. So many people came and so many people left. It was a blur. I thought, “Who is going to walk me down the aisle, how can I not have a dad?” I went back to school in two weeks. I couldn’t stand people saying they were sorry and they knew what it felt like. No one knew what I was feeling. I was eleven years old, who could I talk to? No one! I kept replaying this over and over in my head. Was this really happening to me? No one wanted to tell me how he died. They said his heart stopped. I knew he died of an over dose. I heard everyone talking about it behind my back. I guess they figured I was too little, but I knew what was going on. I knew that my dad was never going to come back.
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The first day of school my 7th grade year in middle school, my grandpa died, which was my mother’s dad. Could my life get any worse? All I thought about was my dad and I felt horrible. My grandpa was the funniest guy ever. We never knew he was having trouble with his heart until he went to the doctor. He started having heart strokes and they had to send him to Houston to have heart surgery because it was too risky to have it done here. He came out of the surgery good. The doctors said he was the only one in ICU that was doing really good. They said he was going to be alright. He had another heart stroke and died. My mother has 11 sisters and 1 brother. They were all so devastated. I had never really seen love the way they loved their dad. My family came together after this and they all stick close together.
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My seventh grade year, my step-dad also brought his other son to live with us. I was always surrounded by three boys. I did so many boy things, like play in the dirt, go off-roading, ride 4-wheelers and dirt bikes. It was exciting. I also fought with them like I was another guy. They would literally punch me like I was a guy.They had no shame.
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I entered the cheerleading squad this year also. It was nice. It just felt like it was my calling. I had always wanted to be a cheerleader, and when I finally was, it was so exciting. Sometimes, it was a little too exciting. It was too exciting that it got me into trouble. I skipped practice one day to be with my boyfriend. My cheerleading coach found out and called my mom. My mom agreed with the coach that I should no longer be a part of the squad. It was very sad for me because I loved it.
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Everything seemed to be going wrong. This was about the time that I started to skip school. My mom would drop me off and I would leave the school. My boyfriend at the time was not a very good influence either. I skipped school until one day I got caught by my mother. Some of the kids at school were talking and my brothers told on me. I got into so much trouble during this time. I was always getting grounded or I had my phone taken away. Either things were suppose to get better or they were just going to get worse.
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Life Changing Experiences…
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It was towards the end of my 8th grade year where I heard an announcement that there was going to be Pace High School cheerleading try outs. They were going to be held after school for one week and that try outs would be on the weekend. Well I decided to do it. My mom let me do it also. I would have to miss soccer and swimming practice to go for this one week of practice. I thought I was going to make it to the Junior Varsity squad because I was not confident in myself.
On Monday of the next week I had soccer practice, when I got out my mom gave me the good news. She said I made it to the Varsity squad. She told me that a friend had called me to tell me I had made it. I couldn’t believe it. It was the best thing ever. I was going to be a Varsity cheerleader as a freshman in high school. I called my friend as soon as I got home, and I asked who else had got it. She told me that I was the only freshman on Varsity. I felt so special. I was glad that my mom had been so supportive throughout everything I had been doing in middle school. I was thankful because she gave me another opportunity in her trust, when she let me try out for high school cheerleading.
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Being the only Freshman Varsity Cheerleader drew plenty of attention my way. I lost most of the friends I had in middle school and made new high school friends. I was confused. I started hanging out with all of the seniors and all the other older cheerleaders. I was going to parties and other people’s houses. Football games were the best. They were so exciting and I felt so special. My mother was also very proud of me. At this time, all these guys were paying attention to me. I got a boyfriend that was the star basketball player. It was fun being popular and getting to know so many people.
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I didn’t mention that my boyfriend, the star basketball player was a senior when I was a sophomore. He left to college and we still stayed together. I knew it was not going to work out, but we tried. I became Head Cheerleader my junior year. I lost so many friends and most of the squad didn’t like me. They didn’t like me because there were seniors that had wanted it forever. It was not my fault that my essay just so happened to be better than theirs. My writing obviously showed that I wanted it more. It got easier in the year and the girls eventually liked me again.
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As a junior, I was selected to be in the Lower Valley Cotillion Club. It is an association that chooses certain girls in their junior year of high school for their academic and leadership skills. I was chosen out of eight girls in the whole junior class. This led to volunteer work and me being student of the week a couple times. I was awarded many things, thanks to my accomplishments.
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Being a junior, meant being 16 years old, which meant it was time for me to get my first job. I got a job as a hostess at Johnny Carinos. I didn’t work too much because I hardly ever had time, but it was something to get me to learn the value of money. My mom let me keep all my money and still helped me out of I ever needed anything. I only worked like two days out of the week so I really didn’t get a big paycheck, but it was a lot to me.
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I was selected as Head Cheerleader again my senior year. As Head Cheerleader, and being a cheerleader in general got me a lot of favoritism. I got to do whatever I wanted in high school. I skipped class all the time and I always got away with it. At this point, drugs and alcohol became a big issue in my life. I started to smoke marijuana. I knew it was not a good thing, but at the time it felt so good to do it. It was really peer pressure from everyone else. I thought I looked cool because everyone else was doing it. It only got me into trouble, especially with my parents. After the marijuana, cocaine was being tossed around like nothing. I thought, why not try that also. It only lasted for so much.
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My friends and I decided to go to a basketball game one evening in Weslaco. On the way, one of the girls wanted to smoke. When we got to the school we tried to cover up the smell of the marijuana, but it didn’t work. A cop pulled us aside and started interrogating us. They took me and one of my friends. They started searching us like crazy. They found cocaine in my friends’ purse. It got us into a lot of trouble.
I had to go to boot camp for two months and my friend had to go to a detention center because of the cocaine. I had no idea she had it with her. She said that she had forgotten it was there. When our trial came around, the judge dismissed our case because we were under age to be searched without our parents consent. That and because the person searching us was not certified to do it. We got lucky, but that wasn’t it. We got kicked out of cheerleading and expelled from school.The whole school was shocked. I was so embarrassed and ashamed. I let so many people down including my family. All I knew was that it was a lesson learned.
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At this point I started filling out college paper work. I was still going to go to college. That was not going to stop me. When I went to boot camp it got me ahead in classes. It got me to graduate recommended. My parents were proud of me once again. I had made a couple mistakes, but they knew I was a good person overall. I felt like they were trying to let me find myself, but they were going to be involved to a certain extent.
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My Life Begins…
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My first year in college, I messed up. I partied way too much and I thought it was a game. I didn’t attend my classes the way I was supposed to. I failed out my first semester. The consequences of me failing, was getting my financial aid taken away from me. I had to pay for 6 hours of college credits for them to think about giving me financial aid back. Boy, did I mess up?. My mother was not going to help me. She said that I needed to earn that money and pay for it myself. I didn’t have a choice; she was making me go to college either way. There was no way she was going to let me drop out. I paiyed for my classes and I got financial aid back eventually.
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My uncle and my step-dad died this year as well. My uncle had a rough life. He was a truck driver when he was young. At the age of 24 years, he had an accident that left him paralyzed from the waist down and his truck driver partner dead. He hated his life and thought that drugs made everything better. My family sued the truck driving business because there were things that were not available to them that should have been. He got millions, but that still wasn’t enough to get him to walk. He spent all his money on drugs and going out. He would disappear from time to time, but one time he didn’t come home. We were told that his so-called friends left him dead in a house.
The reason they went to the hose was because a neighbor complained about a smell. My uncle over dosed and they left him there. They took his truck, money and credit cards and spent all of it. We had to cremate his body because it was already decomposing. He had been dead in that house for at least four to five days. This was a shocker. The day after Christmas, my set-dad died. He had been having heart problems and he was on dialysis. He was getting sick often and his body decided to shut down on him. Not only did I lose a father, but also my step-father. I was crushed. There were too many deaths in my family.
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I decided that I was going to do something with my life. I got my act together. I started taking school seriously. I came to class everyday and studied very hard. I did so well that I got on the Dean’s list. From doing so well, I eventually worked my way up and now at this point in my life I am on the President’s list. It makes me want to do more with my life. I want to stay on the President’s list, so I work harder. I have dreams. I want to be a teacher. My life experiences have taught me so many things and I cannot take life for granted like I had been doing. In the process of all this, I managed to have a boyfriend. I have been with him for three years and I plan on having a future with him. At the moment things have not been going great between us, which has made us part. I love him so much, but some things are better they way they turn out.
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So to answer my research question: Did I get wiser as I get older? The answer is YES! Maybe not in the love relationship part. I still have not found the right one, but all my experiences have taught me well. When I was young it didn’t really matter much. Now that I am older, I see myself getting older. And I want to make a difference in this world and I will do it. I would like to seek a master’s degree in English, and maybe even a Ph.D. Only time will tell.
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