Self-identity: a challenging task

By Kris Woodside
College of Education
Long Island University, C. W. Post
February 8, 2011

In class today we talked about Marcia’s stages of identity development. I found his theory incredibly interesting and also very factual. When talking about the Foreclosure stage, I was strongly reminded of my youth. I was very set in my ways and I thought I had everything all figured out. Looking back, I realize I wasn’t entirely wrong; I did have my path in life figured out pretty clearly, and it wasn’t all that inaccurate for the time, either.

I had decided that I wanted to be a 2D animator, which is something I’d wanted since I was 6. I figured that I would handle any obstacles (and poverty) that came my way. Whenever someone tried to talk me out of it, I dug my heels into the ground. I continued this way well into high school. It was college application season, and I had already been accepted into a 2D Animation program in Florida, with an internship at Disney practically as a given. I was easing my way into the Achievement stage quite seamlessly.

Unfortunately, in my junior year of high school, I injured my hand badly. Animation was no longer an option. With no time to adjust at all, I was thrown into the Moratorium stage. Even now, 6 years after my injury, I find myself still in this stage. I wasn’t given any time to figure out a new major, so I just jumped into Biology right away. It was the only other thing I was good at, but I had no idea what to do with it. I tried Pre-Med, and while I did well in the courses, I wasn’t happy. So I switched to Bio-Education.

I am enjoying the course work, but I don’t know how far that enjoyment will take me. I feel apprehensive every day, to the point where it makes me physically ill. I come to class late sometimes due to the extreme nausea I get while heading out the door. I’ve enjoyed my field observations, and I think I will enjoy student teaching. However, I also know that being a teacher isn’t my dream and that it’s merely something I’m settling for. The anxiety this brings me seems to be increasing all the time.

I’m hopeful that once I’m actually in the field I’ll wind up enjoying it more than I’ve anticipated. Maybe this will make me feel self-achieved once more, despite the adversity against me, and I’ll be content.