What Does Gender Have to do With it?

By Melissa Yonelunas
College of Education
Long Island University, C. W. Post
March, 2011

I thought today’s lesson on gender identity was hysterical. It was definitely interesting to see what we all thought the “normal” and “abnormal” characteristics of our own genders were. As I mentioned in class, I feel as though I am “out of the box.” While I no doubt possess some of the qualities of the stereotypical female, I feel as though I am less petty and catty than other girls. I do not care about name brands, make-up, accessories, and material things all that much. I also do not like to deal with the drama that always seems to be so closely associated with girls. I am one that likes to be comfortable, loves to be outdoors, and loves working with my hands. During our discussion, I was telling the girls that I had just planned my first camping trip of the summer with my boyfriend and our friends. Where I feel most girls would not want to give up amenities and tough it out in the woods for a weekend, I think it is so much fun. Also, I love to build and fix things. Growing up with two brothers, you think I would be saved from having to do the handy work. It is quite opposite in my house though. I am and always have been the one working with and learning from my dad while my brothers take the backseat. I love to build and construct things.

Last summer I redid my room and I built a bookshelf, and my desk. I also helped my boyfriend rebuild his porch in his backyard and I put together his new shed. He thinks it is so funny that I get so excited to do these things. I also try to do work on my car, and help my boyfriend rebuild his own car. I love tools, and I love to construct something that I can look back at and say “I built that.” I think a misconception about girls is that they are ignorant to or incapable of doing these things. I for one love it, and I think that I differ from most girls in this aspect of my life. I know tools and cars, where most girls would not like to get involved in these projects, I enjoy them. It actually upsets me when I can not do something because physically I do not have enough strength to do it. For example, I was limited with what I could do on the porch because I just could not lift certain things. While I lift more than many girls I know, there are still limitations set physically on what I can do.

I think that my personality and how it differs from the stereotypical girl has a lot to do with how I was brought up. I grew up with two brothers, and always hung out with the boys. All of my neighbors were boys as well, so I stuck to hanging out with them. While I wouldn’t call myself an athlete, I did always play whatever they wanted to. I think growing up with the guys and being surrounded by people who don’t hold grudges, who like to be outside playing, and who don’t really care about what others think of them influences you. I was accustomed to being around boys, those who could fight one minute, then be best friends the next. This is so refreshing compared to girls, where it is like pulling tooth and nail for them to resolve their arguments. Girls to me became overly dramatic, excessively catty, and so fake as they say one thing to your face and another behind your back. Boys seem to be more upfront. I will not say that I have never been dramatic myself, I definitely have been and still can be, but I just don’t like to be around a group of people like that. Boys just seem so much more easier to be around, and I think it definitely has to do with the fact that this is what I grew up with.

While I loved the activity and the discussion that grew out of it, I do have recommendations for making it more effective. I think it would be interesting to change it up a bit. I would still split the class by gender, but I would have the girls fill out a box for men, and the boys fill out a box for women. I think this would put an interesting spin on the discussion because the males and females would get the chance to display their own preconceptions of the other gender. Then, in the discussion, we could uncover any misconceptions. For example, if the women say that men don’t have emotions, the men could defend themselves and say that they do, they just are not apt to displaying them like women are because of whatever reason. I feel that by having the gender groups formulate a lists of characteristics for the opposite gender, we can truly see what boys really think about girls and vice versa, and then work together to understand why some things are true, while also understanding why we may have misconceptions about the other gender. I just thought this would be an interesting way of going about it.