Tough Guise—Redefine “man”

By Melissa Brewi
College of Education
Long Island University, C. W. Post
March, 2011

Today I went into class excited about the gender activity I had heard we were going to be participating in. At first I was a bit confused as to what was expected of the two groups but once we got a hang of it I feel like us girls did a great job in listing characteristics of women, both stereo-typical as well as individual to women as the times continue to change. I think it would have made the activity a bit more interesting if both sexes were asked to make lists of characteristics of both men and women in order to see what the opposite genders think of each other.

The question asking activity that followed the presentation of our boards was also interesting, it caused quite a debate among the two groups and it was just interesting to see what guys perceived as strange and weird for them is something completely normal for us such as wearing a different dress to several different occasions rather than wearing the same one over and over. And vice versa, we asked the boys why they never liked to show emotion or cry where as us girls wear our emotions on our sleeves half the time-- the boys couldn't really think of a correct answer for this question, they just kept repeating that they just don't cry or that it takes something really serious to make them show emotion like that. We found that this is probably part biological but mostly instilled throuh out a young boy's childhood by their parents enforcing the idea that "big boys" or "good boys" don't cry.

When I was a child my parents didn't really attempt to instill a gender role on us when we were old enough to decipher how we felt ourselves, of course when me and my sister were very young my mother took enjoyment of dressing us up in matching dresses or outfits when we would go out because of the similarity in age and we didn't mind it at the time. Although as we aged, my sister strayed away from the girly girl lifestyle and became my father's little tomboy wanting to fulfill his desire of the son he never had... she played all the sports, got short hair cuts, wore baggy clothing-- everything you picture when you think of a tomboy that was my sister in grammar school. My mother let her do what she wanted to do, she never discouraged her and my father never pushed her to continue her life this way it was her choice and they allowed her to act and dress the way she was most comfortable with. Where as I on the other hand, never really went through a tomboy stage... when I was in about 4th grade and just begining to figure out my own identity the first thing I tried to do was be a tomboy because I had witnessed my sister act this way for many years but it did not work as well for me. But still, although the countless failed attempts of making one of the sports teams my parents never tried telling me that maybe sports weren't my thing, or pointing me in another direction rather they let me try it for as long as I desired until I figured out on my own that it wasn't meant for me and finally discovered my own identity.

When growing up as an adolescent it can be difficult to develop your own identity with all of the gender stereotypes that you have been exposed to throughout your childhood it can lead some children away from assimilating with the norms or can cause some to think past their true identity or feelings and act in such a way simply because they know that is what is expected of them rather than what makes them happy. For myself, I was never really affected by the gender stereotypes because my family isn't a stereotypical family to begin with... both of my parents are successful business people equally contributing to our family income, decisions were made as a family or okayed by both parents rather than the typical alpha male household where whatever the dad says goes. My parents truly instilled the idea of gender equality onto me and my sister throughout our childhood which gave us both the opportunity to develop our own identities adhering to some gender stereotypes but not those which are seen as traditional and are practiced less and less these days.

As teachers I believe that in order to ensure that both adolescent genders reach their full potentials in learning we must treat both genders as equals in every aspect of the classroom. Not only in what is expected of them academically, but also in ways of instruction as well. Typically, teachers have been known to allow boys to roughhouse or call out more in the classroom because it is part of their "nature" and if girls were to get a bit out of hand they are immediately scolded.. this insinuates lower expectations for boys than girls. If this were to change so that with each outburst of every student they are punished the same way then there would be absolutely no gender stereotyping in the classroom and this could ensure that both genders have an equal opportunity to reach their full potential in learning.